Things are about to be soooo different….

My beautiful, sweet Kellen:

I’m writing this here because someday I plan on sharing this blog with you and your sister.  And any other children we may be blessed with having.

Your dad and I just put you down for the night.  As usual, your love and sweetness shined as you gave us both kisses and hugs and then repeatedly blew kisses while we said goodnight.  I’ve known this is coming.  I haven’t been in denial.  But it’s feeling very real right now.  Our lives are forever going to be changed within the next week or so.  Your dad and I are so excited for Raelee’s arrival.  We can’t wait to see what she looks like, to see how you interact with her, to watch her grow as an individual, and to watch you both grow together.  But I’m still sad.  I’m sad that our days of Mommy and Kellen are numbered.  I have loved every single moment of these past 21+ months.  You have helped me grow and learn as much as you have been doing it yourself.  Nothing in this world has meant more to me than you.  I am so lucky to be your mom.  These have been the best days of my life.  You are the light that shined through the darkness of loss and heartbreak.  You answered our prayers.  And now Raelee will answer our prayers again and help us to complete our family.

I’m sad that you will probably be hurting and struggling in the first few months or so after Raelee arrives, as much as an almost 2 year old can hurt.  As a mom, I never want you to hurt.  I want to protect you from all harm–emotionally and physically.  But I don’t know how to protect you from this, besides loving you and Raelee as much as humanly possible.  I know someday you will be fine.  You will be so grateful you have a sister.  I have 3 wonderful sisters, and I don’t know what I would do without them.  Raelee will be your best friend, even through fights over bathroom time, clothes and just day-to-day life.

I don’t know how to exactly put my feelings into words right now.  I just know that tears are streaming down my face…but at the same time I’m smiling listening to you read books on the monitor, when you should be in your bed sleeping.  You are amazing in every possible way.  I can’t wait to see you be a big sister.  I do and always will love you with all of my heart.

Love,

Mama

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