One year ago…

One year ago today, I was wishing, hoping, and praying for a positive pregnancy test.  I had already tested 2 days in a row with negatives, but it was early.  I was hoping that the Clomid worked and that we would have a healthy baby on the way.

One year ago today, I was so bah humbug–I didn’t want to do anything related to Christmas.  I should of had a newborn by Christmas.  John made me get a tree, but that was it for decorations.  I didn’t even want to do gifts, but John did so we made it small.

And one year from tomorrow, Christmas Day, I peed on a FRER and saw the faaaiiinnntttest second pink line.  John didn’t believe it–he saw it, but he said it was too light so he didn’t think it was real.  I smacked him and told him, “A LINE IS A LINE! WE ARE PREGNANT!”  He still wasn’t going for it, so I waited a few hours and used a digital test.  It said Pregnant, and John believed.  I took a picture and sent it to all our closest family and friends.  Even though I was deathly afraid of another miscarriage, I wanted the support and love from my family and friends just in case we had to go through another loss.

One year ago from tomorrow, we found out about Kellen.  To think she was just the size of a poppyseed a year ago!  Oh how our lives have changed!  I have never been happier or felt more blessed.  I feel complete, I love my husband more than ever, and I absolutely love my life.  My daughter is the most amazing Christmas gift I could have ever asked for last year and this year I have her in my arms!  She is the most beautiful thing in the world 🙂

My Christmas wish for this year is for all my Bumpies that are still over in the hell of TTCAL (the process is hell, not the forum) to get their BFPs and have their beautiful take home babies by next Christmas.  And if that isn’t in the cards for them, then hopefully they can get their take home baby through adoption or surrogacy or however they can.  I also wish this for my family and friends IRL (in real life) that are struggling with loss and infertility.  The ones that I know about and the ones I don’t.  I’m here for you all whenever you need me.

Merry Christmas from John and myself and our adorable Kellen 🙂


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