If we make it through tomorrow….

With no spotting, we will make it further than my last pg without any spotting  🙂  It’s kind of a bittersweet milestone (7w5d).  It makes me sad when I think about when I first saw the spotting….I just knew the pg wasn’t going to make it.  I had hopeful moments after that, but never completely felt like I was going to have my baby in December.  And even now, even though this pg seems sooo much different, I still can’t wrap my head around the thought that I could possibly have a baby in September.

There have been a lot of things in my life that I have looked forward to…dreamed about.  For years.  Marriage for example.  I had dreamed about my wedding as far back as I can remember.  I thought I was going to have it with my ex.  And part of the reason why I didn’t break up with the loser earlier was because I thought how far back it would set me in my “plans” and my “timeline.”  When I met John and knew he was the one for sure, it seemed like the wedding day would never come.  Even with the date quickly approaching, I kept having dreams about someone dying (me, him, my dad, etc.) or some other tragedy that would make it to where the wedding wouldn’t happen.  And then it did, and it was amazing and an amazing time was had by all.

This is how I feel now about being a mother and have a feeling I will continue feeling this way.  Like it’s too good to be true…..bad things happen to my family.  And besides my loss last year, not many bad things have happened and it just seems like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Not that my loss wasn’t horribly bad, I’m just combining all the pgs I’ve had and possibly will have together in one big dream.  Like they will keep getting taken away from me over and over and over and I will never be a mother.

Ugh, I feel like I’m just rambling.  Sorry.  Here’s to no spotting!

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One thought on “If we make it through tomorrow….

  1. Hey, I just want you to know what an inspiration you are to TTCALers like myself.

    and…

    Congrats!!! I would like to present you with a Major Award!

    I have selected your blog to receive the Stylish Blogger Award! I’m not exactly sure what the award means, but who doesn’t love awards??? Come visit my blog (My Own Nutshell) to pick up your award and share it with the world 🙂

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